I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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