Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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