All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
