The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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