got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
