I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
