i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
