So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
