Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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