whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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