They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
