I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
