Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
