I faked an abortion last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
