there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
