i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
