Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
