i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
