anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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