Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
