to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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