Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
