Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
