all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
