I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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