I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
