I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
