I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
