So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
