he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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