My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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