You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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