I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
