Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
