Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
