i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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