the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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