I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
