yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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