ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Panties = found
Randomize
