I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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