and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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