I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
