Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
