This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
