apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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