similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
