Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
