I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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