Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
