I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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Do I have a choice?
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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