mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
