my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
false alarm, still single
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