i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
