It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
