Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
