Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
porn star boner night. come get it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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