This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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