He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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