So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
