guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
